Sunday, September 14, 2008

It Feels Good to be a Gangsta

...Actually, I wouldn't really know what that's like anyway. I'm too gosh-darn white to be gangsta. Seriously, I'm translucent. *holds up arm* And I bruise easily. 

Nope. I am no gangsta. 

Unfortunately, it seems that a bunch of folks here in the 'burbs think they're pretty gangster. I feel it's my duty as a productive member of society to say this: 

PULL YOUR BLOODY PANTS UP. 

GAWD. 

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THE EXACT TOPOGRAPHY OF YOUR BEHIND. 

When I see guys running around with their back pockets around their knees, it makes me want to grab the nearest roll of duct tape (staple guns are even better) and cinch up said pants around their armpits. Maybe I should start stuffing two or three of their friends in there, too, seeing as there's enough room for at least two people in there. 

While we're at it, stop trying to graffiti the transformers. I can tell you're just using one of those extra-large "Sharpies" and not making any real effort. You fail. 

Oh, and one more thing: For the love of all that is good and holy, stop trying to act like the bandanna on your head and hanging one arm out the car window makes you cool. It doesn't. It makes you look like a douchebag. I could most likely kick your butt to the moon in a fight. You fail even more. 

Sincerely, 

The One Chick That Is Going To Be Making More Money Than You

Mood: Oddly satisfied

Random Useless Fact of the Day: Gig Young, an Academy-Award-wining actor, was originally cast as Charlie in "Charlie's Angels." Unfortunately, Young was also an ardent alcoholic, and showed up to work on the first day so drunk that the producers had no choice but to fire him. Hence John Forsythe came onto the scene in a last-minute hiring decision. The Day Was Saved!