Project "Death Waltz"

A couple of weeks ago, during Labor Day weekend, Phil passed me a peculiar piece of music that I found funny. This music? "Faerie's Aire and Death Waltz." Based on an ancient cro-magnon skinning chant, arranged by accident, and really funny to show to musicians. Trust me, that piece is utterly impossible to play without the assistance of a really elaborate computer program. For instance: There are harmonic intervals in the shape of pyramids, rectantgles, and really big long lines that take up the whole of the grand staff. There are insanely fast "Lord-only-knows-what" notes with about eight bars connecting them, and absolutely crazy dynamic symbols like fffffffffff. The best thing about the "Death Waltz," though, has to be the notation that's printed in with the 'song.' Stuff like, "Release the Penguins." "Light the explosives now, and.... now." "Balance chair on two legs." "Sing 'Hey, hey, hey-o, ho, hey!'" "Remove cattle from stage", and "Add bycicle" make the song so completely ludicrous it's funny.

And musicians hate it with a firey passion. I first showed the "Death Waltz" to Chris, who doesn't play an instrument but was still all, "What the heck is this crap?! Is it, like, five different songs printed on top of each other?" The next morning I showed it to my buddy Syd, whose face went all pale and she asked "How do you play this?!" When I explained about the song and showed her the notation, she laughed and dared me to show it to various members of the church orchestra. Who am I to turn down such a great time? I headed up the aisle to my third victim: Kirk, the director of the orchestra. When practice was over, I called him and said, "Hey, I thought this would be an interesting song. Only one page, but interesting." I handed up the "Death Waltz" and much the same thing happened as with Syd. This look of utter confusion came over his face and he muttered all the notation and stuff to himself, asking how in the world a person could physically stand this piece. (He especially hated the empty repeat signs.) The next people to stand up to the fury of "Faerie's Aire" were the bass player, who pretty much shook his head and looked scared, and one of the drummers, who had the day off. He displayed that same confused look as well and wondered if there even was steady beat throughout the whole thing.

That being done, I mosied up to the worship minister, and showed him the music, asking how it might be played. One glance and he was all, "'K, you don't, man, you don't." after that the service started, and the "Death Waltz was put away until second hour, when Syd and I traipsed down to the youth building, laughing at various reactions and figuring whose reaction was the most funny. We agreed that the worship minister had given us the most laughter, at least until I showed the "Death Waltz" to another singer. His reaction? "Oh my God, what is it?!?!" Syd and I? Pretty much dropped to the floor laughing, and immediately gave him the prize for the best reaction to joke music.

Second hour passed, as did third hour. When that was done, I headed on over to show the piece to a couple of my buddies in the orchestra. Joel: "Agh!" Nick: "'Add bycicle?!' What the...?" Steven: "That is awesome!" Olivia: "Get that thing away from me!"

And so ended the cycle of hilarity. It was a good ride, and I ended up with a sore gut from all the laughing I'd been doing.

School is going well, taekwondo is fine (I'm currently trying to figure sizes for sparring gear), dogs are still lazy, it's raining, and all is normal in Lake Woebegone.

Current Mood: All 'brainy-d' out.

Random Useless Fact of the Day: It's sad that I found more books on Barbara Streisand than James Madison in the biography section of the library.